Breaking up with someone can be the hardest most painful thing to experience in one’s life. When you go through a breakup you start wishing that someone had warned you about how painful it would be. But the truth of the matter is no one will tell you what to expect. It will take you a long time before you can finally get back on your feet. And even after getting back on your feet, you may experience low self esteem and negative feelings towards the opposite sex. You are also not able to trust again as you may feel betrayed. Despite all these, breakups are also necessary as they will make you understand relationships better and learn things about yourself that you may have not known. There are many stages that one goes through after a tough breakup and solutions given to get over them. They are all discussed below.
The first stage is denial
First comes the denial stage where you see all the signs that something is wrong with your relationship but you do not want to admit it. Your spouse wants to end the relationship but you think he/she is joking and you keep waiting for the “haha” moment. But that moment never comes.
The second stage is bargaining
What follows is bargaining. You feel like you want to save your relationship no matter what. So you start trying to know what led to the breakup and what you can do to change it. This may be risky as you may use sex as a weapon to keep the flame alive. You may also try to use some emotions to get sympathy from your ex-spouse. You start pleading and you get desperate not knowing the relationship is actually over.
How to get over it
The best way to get over this stage is to talk to your ex in a clam and composed way. Do not lash out at them. Communicate calmly; avoid yelling, screaming or crying in front of your ex. This just gives them so much power over you. Make sure you understand why they broke up with you but do not insist so much. If you understand why he/she did it then ask yourself if it is worth it to fight for that relationship or are you better of single.
Thirdly is the depression stage
Most breakups are sad and painful. It may take you some time to accept that you are actually single and alone. You can’t eat or sleep. You start hating yourself and life seems meaningless to you. All you do is keep thinking about them every second of every day. Everyone one deals with breakups differently so the amount of time spent in this stage depends on the person or the reason for the breakup.
How to get over it
The best way to get over depression is to seek assistance by talking to friends, family or a therapist. This will help you remove everything you have boiled up inside you. Girls usually seek their girlfriends for help and a listening ear. This usually works well. If you are able to talk everything out you are able to feel much better.
Your friends are there to restrict you from calling your ex whenever you are tempted. You are advised not to spend time alone.
Men usually try to spend time with their mates. They go for drinking sprees, grunting and parties to forget about the breakup.
The fourth stage is Anger.
At this stage you are not hurting anymore but you are just angry with the world. Instead of wanting them back you just want them to be miserable and unhappy for the rest of their lives. You start having the feelings for revenge. You want to hurt then just like they hurt you. Usually people stay in this stage for a while. You may resent yourself and your ex with all your heart. The people around you start noticing your anger and they may keep off from you.
How to get over it
For you to move from this stage easily, you need to make a list of what you liked about them and what you don’t like them at all. Remember it’s best not to hold a grudge as it may destroy you for the rest of your life. Do yourself good by avoiding hate and learning to forgive them and forget. Start loving yourself and realizing it was not your fault.
The last stage is acceptance
Accept the reality and move on with your life no matter how hard or betrayed you may have felt. This stage will help you realize that things are finally over and you do not need to try working out the impossible. You need to pick and dust yourself off and move on with life.